New Tinder

If for whatever reason you feel like Tinder is lacking in total assholes, there's a new app called Luxy, that allows you to only connect with 'successful, attractive people.' That's right, it's a dating app exclusively for douchebags.

It claims to be 'Tinder, minus the riff-raff.' And also minus people who can spell.

I'm not sure what a 'lawyes' is, but it sure sounds successful!

'With the rise of high-speed digital dating, it's about time somebody introduced a filter to weed out low-income prospects by neighborhood,' explained Luxy CEO 'Tim T.' His real identity is being kept anonymous for some reason (maybe the app is a joke?), and it seems likely he is entirely fictional. So far Mr. T. is one of only three people who have reviewed the app on the Google Play store, and- according to CNN -provided the only written review, though it appears to have been deleted.

Company spokesperson Darren Shuster elaborates on the type of people you'll find on Luxy. 'Look, these members drive the best cars, hang out at the fanciest hotels, live in the biggest houses, wear the best clothes. It doesn't take long to weed out those who belong on a different kind of dating site.'

Luxy functions exactly like Tinder, the key difference being its different profile options. It requires you to select your hobbies from a list that includes things like 'AnimalFancy' and 'SkiingSnow' [ sic], to 'choose your fav luxury brands up to 5″ [again, sic], and reveal your net assets. You know, all of the important things that lead to a deep and profound love.

Shuster claims that the average income of its male users is $200,000 (there's no mention of the average income of female users-in Luxy, they're only required to be attractive). They currently have no means of actually verifying their users' incomes. So it was surprisingly easy to create a fake profile. I present to you my new alter ego: Eccentric playboy billionaire Dr. Vonstein T. Moneybags, Esq.

His interests include zeppelins, monocles, and hunting humans for sport. If any ladies want to go for a late night zeppelin ride to his swimming pool that's filled with gold coins, swipe right.


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